summertime

what does summertime mean to people? relax, lots of spare time, cut off from everyday, forget your business, egoistic needs, sex, other pleasures.
what does it mean to me? mostly the same, also freedom, personal development, music, smell of wildness and fire and sleepless nights - with other pleasures.

so beautiful

we've got SPRING already! it's hot and sunny. it's bright.
wood - insects are everywhere. green and fresh.
street - people are everywhere. smiling, going out and smelling. unfortunatelly!
work - holiday is coming. closer and closer. around my chest. just a while and I'll be able to breath deeply. waiting impatiently.
love - hot and sunny, impatient, coming, closer and closer, around my chest, everywhere, smiling and smelling, breathing deeply, waiting, bright.
we've got LOVE already! it's beautiful. ever...

welcome, Lord Paradox!

everyday I invite you with an open heart, open mind, constantly open, with fear or amusement, eyes. wherever I go, I am certain to meet you, sometimes I consider this unavoidable expectation with masochistic pleasure. we are used to giving the name of the paranoid to such a phenomena. unfortunatelly, that is one of the greatest paranoid in the world. the fact that we even try to give names to feelings or things we are unable to understand. how dare we? where is going a man with a candle full of incredible lack of knowledge that keeps in front of his every activity? with the belief of his power and possibility. hmmm

Rest in Peace

you learn important things in your life just in few seconds.
you start discovering your way when you have lost so many paths that you feel despair and lack of hope. then you notice that the way you are on, is just yours.
choose life. it is the response - you have to choose life.
whatever would happen afterwards, you have your dreams.
first you have to live.
next you have to die.

tribute to Magda's mother who left us on my birthday.

lack of passion

so that I have lost the passion. cannot feel anything - positive, nor negative. just boredom. just exaustion. horrible prediction that it will be up to the very end. if it changes, I will find happiness.

once upon a time there was a girl who lost her passion of life. she woke up in the beautiful, sunny morning and felt nothing. she saw a smile on faces of her people but she could not have found the origin of her emptiness. she was unable to create any grimace, any gesture. she had power over her body, she knew that if she wanted, she could move as a human being was used to doing. therefore it was not phisical unability. problably she lost the connection between her thought and outdoor reality. maybe she could not find herself on the earth, among others. it was painful loneliness that she felt very deeply in her heart. on the surface of her, there was any sign of life. it was cold and absent. her eyes focused on the farthest region of human perception. no emotion in her nerves. however, death was visiting opposite lands and had no aim to arrive then. she called her names in vain, death was not interested in. the girl stood up and started going. days passed and she was going straight on, missing her everyday problems, relationships, needs and dreams. there was no gate, no evacuation, no escape. only a road of thoughts in front of her, spiral, straight, sometimes sharp and dangerous, sometimes mild and fragrant with life and joy. she could not feel anything about her way. kept going, so cold, unconcerned and uninterested. she was observed by the angel of brightness whose eyes were full of sorrow. he was not able to touch her. she would stop and never find her way out. there was the hope in this darkness of her life. if keep going, there was a shine of possibility to enter the way to something. the gate of the labirint of hoplessness and nothing.
do not stop her on the way - add your hope to the thought of bright angel.

authorities

today I was wondering about the sens of authority. I come from very specific country that people are used to calling 'post-comunist' that is not exactly so, just such a simplification which unables some brains with opening...
in our schools 'authority' was rather serious matter. it based on power, strength and punishment. now such a situation cannot exist as we have something like 'democracy'. noone denies that this system is actually disable too (has hardly existed without slaves; now we can observe what it means in radical-capitalist's world) but it's better than anarchy, they suppose. it's not so obvious in our schools, especially, according to the sad fact of so many crime cases (connected with aggression, drugs, sex-play and no childhood any more) which are constantly happening there.
however, about authority... well, there is no legal authority at all. there is only a kind of myth left that is artificially sustained by old generation of teachers who used to play roles of authority once (have no idea what for!). they are not ready to understand the everyday battle without this magic word. and they have to.
I don't think it's good to leave children without the feeling that there is one who takes care of them. it's drastic - they feel alone and they must look after themselves what is ridiculous (and how it can be different!). they play adults and... find their own authorities based on power, strength, punishments... interesting!
what is our role? to become tutors and friends - some kind of leadership is our role, actually. we can't play roles from baby-tales because there is noone who believes in them any more! we can only give them our hand when they need it and try to lead them another path...


btw. I hated authorities at school and I was very close to become an anarchist - typical! maybe it can play in other direction - if there is nothing but chaos, they can feel tired of it and deserve some kind of order - with our little help, of course!

why not to write in the foreign language?

sometimes friends ask me why I write my blog in the foreign language. there is no special reason, indeed.
maybe - I try to exercise my english or to reshape my thoughts into not-polish form or to interpret my feelings from the point of view of the total stranger.
when you use a different language from your natural, you use absolutely another cultural code. therefore your thoughts are more open to different meanings, they become postmodern. one can say that such a situation is typical even for the natural language, even though someone has been brought up in a concrete environment, the other people can 'read' him or her different even from his or her intention.
each form of communication have got several meanings. we can watch the same tv programme and understand it in another ways, the same with books, articles, news, conversations etc.
although in the situation of using completely another code (another language), these meanings are constantly multiplying.
the very difficult piece of art - try to make people understand you as you wish. however, tricking can help you avoiding some misunderstanding. writing isn't anything else but cheating... often with your own personality...
multiplying, multiplying... guess who am I!