Gothic party in NoMercy

We had a very nice time at the gothic New Year's Eve in the club No Mercy. A lot of good music, two separated rooms, many interesting people, tasty drinks and wonderful arrangements. Some pics available on www.gothic.pl. Enjoy.

Let the old f...ing year die a hero's death

I have never been so happy of the end of a year. Tomorrow I will say goodbye to many things. I won't be sorry of most of them. Getting older can be a problem. Getting more experienced can be arguable. Getting less time to finish the life can be frightening. Getting one more chance is blessing.

Take your glass
full of champagne
and say "goodbye"
to many of your sins
don't look back
just drunken morning
will show you
cruelly soberly
new hell where
you will be dying a hero's death
the new year
2006

Christmas, Christmas and fish are dead!

Some Christmas cooking:
In Poland we have traditionally twelve dishes, mainly based on vegetables and fish (fasting).
We prepare different salads, bigos, a carp (in jelly, in tomatoes (or "Greek"), fried etc.), some herrings in various sauces, dumplings with sauerkraut and mashrooms, borsch with ravioli (uszka), sauerkraut with peas, sauerkraut with mashrooms (porcini mashrooms reccomended), sardines, tuna, cakes (not made of fish, thanks god), kutia, cookies and many more, dependently on a region.
Last year some people from church decide to interfere in the tradition (normal thing) and they allowed people to eat meat. However, it is absolutely impossible to consume mince dishes at my home because we still respect our customs.

The same with the name. Even though some of us aren't Christians, we prefer calling it "Christmas" to calling it Other-F...ing-Name. I really can't understand why people have some objectives about the name. If it is the Christian festival and our decision is to celebrate it, let's respect the name of it in the form it is known. If I decided to take part in some Jewish or Muslim festivals, I wouldn't demand them to change the name of it because I am not Jewish or Muslim! Absurdity! However, if you haven't got problems or you want people to stop thinking about their real problems, create some substitute. The less important, the better. Just make them
take some of their free time to think about some nonsenses. They wouldn't have time and will to discuss some real dangers or anxieties.

and here is my Christmas Tree:

Holy.... S....

As we can observe, a man is a kind of creature completely dependent on fiction. We can watch thousands running in shops, looking for presents, whatever it would be, only to be. They seem to be frightened, not by the fact that they are getting silly but by the fact that people surrounded them would notice them as not-inventive, not-imaginative, not-impressive, not-not-not... The real fact that they are not-... is not a problem, buhahaha.

beautiful winter

How does it happen that such phenomenons like inventions and creations disappear as soon as I start talking to someone about them. GGGRRRRR Lack of any thought, I try to do something like a human. Tic, tac, it's time. Yes, the only thought am I sure of is that it's highest time to disappear like my flying intelligence, good night!

no time, no time

no time for me
no time for any
breath
one two three
the more, the more
dying
crazy want to be lazy
some time for me
some time to live

I haven't written for such a long time because I have been in mourning for my grandma. Words have seemed so naive and without their spells’ power up to the very moment. Now, I can speak about that. She is gone and nothing could help that.

The time of experiencing death of the person close to you is a very strange period, in which all the people around become shadows and you become a kind of ghost too. I have never gone through such a difficult time.
13 years ago I lost my grandpa. I was away and one beautiful June’s day I received a phone call with the message of his death. I knew that he had been ill for a long time; I had visited him in hospital. I wasn’t near him in his last minutes. I didn’t see him after his vanishing. Perhaps I was younger and the world was calling for me to return from the path of sorrow. However, I couldn’t get used to the thought that I would never see him again. I often talk to him, believe in his presence.

Now I have allowed myself to immerse into suffering and loss.
I saw my grandma on a day before she left. I told her: “See you tomorrow” and kissed her forehead, caressed her head and smiled sadly. She looked at me reproachfully as she wanted to say: “Can’t you see I am dying.” I can almost hear despair and fear in her voiceless complaint. I prayed not to hear that loudly. I was on the edge. My nerves were frayed.
I had been watching her dying for almost two months. It hurts.
That is blessing that she doesn’t suffer any longer.
There are many things which I have learnt recently and one of them is that you are never prepared for ultimate leaving of someone you love. The part of you dies then. You are unable to be prepared for your own dying.


My Grandma about my age